done saying i'm done playin

 

  • Drake debuted this piano-led track during his September 13, 2013 appearance on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon. The Toronto rapper introduced the tune by saying that the words he was about to spit were out of care. "Before I do this song," he said, "I just want to say to my friends and family, I want the best for everybody and I love you all."        http://www.songfacts.com

"Done saying I'm done playin."   How many times have you said, "I'm fucking done."  --but then you're not.    Why.   Why do we keep going back and forth, driving ourselves crazy, making things more toxic each time.   All I wanna do lately is be by myself, away from humans.  Sitting on my roof listening to music.  There's something in the air lately, I don't know... something...  It feels like all of a sudden everyone is so off.  That was a really nice way to say that, what I actually meant was, I feel like all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I started getting hit with people being mean, nasty, selfish, arrogant, doing weird shit, fighting fights that aren't necessary.  Someone honestly came at me the other day over a pink duffle bag.  Really?  How about you go do literally anything else.  If you're coming at me over that, wtf are you doing all day? How do you have time for that?  Go do some work, go be nice to someone, go help someone, fuck.. go help yourself.  I started talking to the people around me and it wasn't just me, everyone was feeling like there was a meteor shower of bullshit coming at them. 

What is happening?

Could it be that we've stirred something up in the Universe and now the dust is clearing, and I'm seeing things differently, seeing people differently?  I try to always see the good in people, but the problem is that in doing so,  I ignore all of the things I should be seeing, the things I should be paying attention to, the things that are telling me,  yes this person is good for me or no this person is fucked.  

I've historically done it in every relationship.  Instead of knowing who I am and what I need and what I won't stand for, I go for the- sorta-ok-maybe this will work choice-  instead of being brave enough to just wait a fucking second, to find myself first.  If you don't know yourself, you don't know what you're looking for.  So the sorta-ok-maybe this will work choice seems like an ok good enough decision.   But is that really what you want?

30. The most common addiction in the world is the draw of comfort. It wrecks dreams and breaks people.

https://www.raptitude.com/2009/07/88-important-truths-ive-learned-about-life/

Its crazy that we choose the presence of another person because our own is somehow not enough.  Its crazy, because no one knows how to give me exactly what I want more than I do, so how and why would I expect someone else to do it better?   How could they?  We are our own priority.  The draw of comfort... 

One of my best friends spent a year and a half alone in SE Asia and that sounds amazing right?  Well parts of it are, but then there are days where nothing goes right, and nights where you're alone, and not a single person gives a single fuck about you because you're a stranger in a foreign place.  I remember she told me once, "you need to learn to get comfortable being uncomfortable."  

How do you do that?  

Sit with it.  We are resilient by our very nature.  If you force yourself to sit with whatever is weighing on you, you'll find how to thrive in that place.  The first tattoo I ever got was a lotus.  It was so simple, I just liked the design.  There wasn't any deep rooted reason behind it, I just liked it.  It wasn't until after I got it that I started to think about the symbolism.  It grows in the mud, this resilient flower blooms out of the mud.  It's funny what we're drawn to, follow that, there are messages there.  

You are not stuck.  

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”

― M. Scott Peck

How many times is it gonna take for you to make a move?  

"Done sayin, I'm done playing."     OVO XO  -Too Much

 

-k.

katie monacelli